


Unexpected

by FloweryNamesLover



Category: Hakuouki
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-21
Updated: 2019-05-21
Packaged: 2020-03-09 00:00:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 19,776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18905341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FloweryNamesLover/pseuds/FloweryNamesLover
Summary: He never expected her to accept his offer. He also never expected to fall in love with her.





	1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do NOT** **own Hakuouki or anything related to it.**

* * *

 

"Expect everything, I always say, and the unexpected never happens."— Norton Juster (The Phantom Tollbooth)

* * *

He did not expect her to accept his offer.

That wasn't to say he was insincere in offering to let her stay in his village. He just couldn't imagine himself as the first person she'd go to. She could have sought out Sen or Matsumoto Ryojun. That was what he would have done in her position, considering his involvement with Kazama, who'd tried to kidnap her multiple times.

Yet here she was. Though it had been mere months since they last saw each other, it felt like years. Her old attire had been replaced with a western uniform, though her hair remained in a ponytail. Besides the clothes on her back and her sword, she'd brought a duffle bag with her.

She hadn't arrived alone. Kimigiku had escorted her under Sen's orders after Chizuru refused to stay anywhere but here. Which brought him back to his previous musings: why him?

He decided to wait a bit before questioning her. So he arranged a room for her in his home and ordered a bath and food to be prepared for her. She had bowed to express her gratitude, and he nodded in response. He wasn't skilled in consoling those affected by grief (hell, he could barely handle his own grief over Takasugi and Sakamoto). This had to be enough for the time being.

The next morning, he found her outside, watching the sunrise. Her hair was shorter, obviously having been cut by her last night, and she wore a green western dress. He stood several feet behind her, contemplating if he should approach her. After a moment, he decided to join her. She looked over her shoulder to see him when she heard his footsteps. There was a polite, tired smile on her face as she nodded in greeting as he came to stand beside her.

Only once the sun had fully risen did she speak."You haven't tried to speak to me since I got here." Her voice was scarcely above a whisper.

Shiranui shrugged."Didn't think pressuring you would be wise. I figured you'd talk when you were ready."

She looked back to the sky."I found Ryoma's family. Osen-chan helped me." Her smile widened a bit."Ryoma told me about his sisters, Otome and Chizuru." She noticed his surprised expression from the corner of her eye, and hummed."Neither they nor his parents believed me at first, but the things I said about Ryoma...they weren't things one could have known unless they were close to him, and," she bit her lip in hesitation,"I showed them my healing powers. That was enough to convince them."

He wasn't sure how to feel about that last part. Though he didn't share his fellow Demons' obsession with hiding from humanity, he didn't trust humans so easily either. Takasugi, Harada, and Sakamoto were exceptions. All of them had been crazy bastards, as well as dead men as of recently.

He hadn't told her about Harada, though she likely suspected him to be dead. Saito Hajime and Nagakura Shinpachi were missing in action, and the rest of her comrades were either dead or in prison following the surrender in Ezo.

"I was supposed to be his first mate," she murmured, wrapping her arms around herself as she began to shake. Tears formed in her eyes."He loved ships so much, he wanted to see the world with me." She choked on a sob which she then swallowed down. Tears now cascaded down her cheeks."He comforted me when I found out Kondo-san would be executed and tried to help me say goodbye to him. He soothed my guilt and sorrow after I found out about Kaoru. He teased me so much, and I was so annoyed by it, but he always protected me and supported me when I needed it. We weren't even supposed to be allies, but...but..." She choked again, then fell to her knees and broke down.

Shiranui looked down at her. What the hell should he do? Let her cry it out? Comfort her? How would he do that? He wasn't her friend, nor did he specialize in these things. But she had come to him. She had chosen to trust him over her other options. Even if she didn't expect anything from him except for refuge...

Sighing, he knelt down and placed a hand on her shoulder. She either hadn't noticed or ignored it, because her sobbing went on as before. He searched his brain for something, _anything_ , to say.

"Everyone I love dies because of me," she uttered between gasps and sobs. His grip on her shoulder tightened. She still didn't react. He sighed again afore clearing this throat and speaking.

"I know the feeling." _That_ got her attention. She went silent, though the tears did not cease. She wiped her eyes and looked at him in confusion.

"W-Who did you lose?" She asked hesitantly.

He gave her a rueful smile."Takasugi, Harada, Sakamoto. Seems those who fight beside me are doomed no matter what."

Her eyes widened."H-Harada-san?" Shock was soon replaced with anger, and her voice was so shaky with that anger that he removed his hand from her shoulder."You knew Harada-san was dead when we last saw each other?!"

Shiranui leaned back slightly. For someone whose sword skills were minimal, and someone who'd been hysterically crying a moment ago, she sounded and appeared rather frightening right now. The shaking restarted, this time from a completely different emotion.

She leaned forward so their faces were inches apart and he could clearly see the fury in her puffy, red eyes and tearstained cheeks."You knew." She wasn't asking anymore, but stating a fact. And even if that were a question, his silence was answer enough.

She narrowed her eyes."Why didn't you tell me? I deserved to know." She clenched her fists."He was my friend. All of them were my friends, and you knew this whole time that he was dead and kept it from me."

Shiranui met her eye. His expression hardened."You knew the odds of him dying were high. What difference does it make that I didn't tell you?"

She blinked, and her eyes narrowed further."You just included him in a list of people who've fought beside you. That means you were there when he died." He mentally cursed himself for not anticipating that response. She was right; he had given her the proof she needed to draw that conclusion. He leaned further back. She automatically leaned forward.

"Why?" She asked, cold as ice. Noticing his desire to move away, she grabbed his shirt."Answer me." He was silent. She pulled him closer."Answer me!"

For some reason, annoyance suddenly took control of him."Why do you care? You chose Sakamoto over him and your other buddies. Heck, you even left behind those two Furies so they could take care of Kodo for you, so what-"

A sharp sound echoed amongst the winds at the same time that Shiranui felt a stinging pain on his cheek. Chizuru's hand was shaking after having slapped him.

"How dare you?" She whispered, anger on par with sorrow now. She scowled so ferociously at him that he honestly wondered if looks really could kill."How dare you?!" She pounced on him, pinning him to the ground and beating his chest with her fists. The pain was minimal and he could easily push her off, but he had no desire to.

"You think I wanted to leave Sanan-san and Heisuke-kun behind?" The fact that she was crying again did nothing to lessen the fierceness of her words."You think the memory of their exhausted, wounded yet determined selves doesn't haunt me?! They did so much for me in the years I'd spent with them. I was there when they decided to drink the Water of Life! I pleaded with Sanan-san not to make me kill him when he thought the serum had driven him to madness like others before him, I held Heisuke-kun in my arms after _your_ comrade wounded him for protecting me. I clearly recall how you laughed and told them they should've taken Amagiri's offer. You and Amagiri are no better than Kazama. You call humans horrible, you consider Furies to be worthless fakes, but I can tell you for a fact that Sanan-san, Heisuke-kun, and Ryoma each had more honor and decency in their hearts than all of you combined!"

"Then why'd you come here?" He demanded."If I'm so terrible, why the hell did you choose to come to me of all people?"

She froze then calmly responded,"Why did you offer to let me stay here?" She moved off him and he sat up. She crossed her arms, watching him impatiently. If he wanted an answer, he'd have to give her one first.

"Don't say because we're both Demons," she said."I want the truth." Her expression softened and she exhaled deeply."Please." Tiredness replaced anger and sorrow as she begged him to give her an honest explanation.

He rubbed his temples, sharing her weariness. She sat there, hugging her knees whilst waiting for him to speak. He settled into a slightly similar sitting position before breaking the silence.

"Honestly? I've always felt kinda sorry for you, kid." He gazed at the sky as he spoke, noticing how taken aback she was by his confession. His lips briefly formed a smirk."Oh, don't get me wrong. Your buddies in the Shinsengumi, especially Harada, were fun to play with. Kazama wanted to steal you away, so in his mind he had the perfect excuse to bother them so often. Amagiri and I were along for the ride. In my case it was for my own amusement too. Amagiri was basically there to babysit Kazama."

If she was surprised by this revelation, she hid it well. From his experience, she never hid her reactions well, so he assumed she'd already gathered this much.

"Harada talked about you." Her eyes widened at this, confirming his previous thought. He returned his gaze to the sky."He really cared about you. He was furious at Kodo for hurting you. If he had the chance, I don't doubt he would've killed the old bastard himself." She shifted at the insult to the man she'd known as her father for most of her life.

He swallowed."Harada...he reminded me of Takasugi. The way he worried about you was pretty similar to how Takasugi worried about Sakamoto. Before they died, I promised them that I'd, you know, make sure Sakamoto and you wouldn't do anything too stupid or reckless."

She blushed from indignation and embarrassment, huffing as she crossed her arms."I can't speak for your friend, but I can say that while Harada-san wasn't as impulsive as Heisuke-kun and Nagukura-san, he had his moments."

"Oh, I'm sure he did. He was pretty crazy on the battlefield. And coming from me, that's saying something." He leaned backwards until his back touched the ground. He rested his head on his arms. When he looked at her, his expression was rueful."Humans are so weak. Doesn't take much to kill them. Harada was dead from a bullet wound, Takasugi got tuberculosis, and Sakamoto and the other Furies' bodies were too weak to handle the power of a Demon, so their lifespans gave out. I don't know how you maintained the desire to stay with them when they die on you all the time."

Chizuru bit her lip and shut her eyes. He thought she would cry again, yet she did no such thing. Instead, she moved closer to him."You were friends with Takasugi and Ryoma, even after Ryoma became a Fury. And you worked with Harada-san. You respected them, you...cared about them." She smiled sadly."That's how I felt about Ryoma and my friends. Losing them hurts, yet I don't for a second regret that I met them. History likely won't remember them the way they truly were, and Demons aren't supposed to intervene in human history, though I know I won't be able to change anything if I do try to intervene, so my grief for them...that's the best way for me, for _someone_ , to remember the truth."

Shiranui looked at her, really looked at her. That meek, hesitant girl who'd politely asked him to leave when they first met years ago, who'd looked so confused and afraid whenever Kazama tried to kidnap her, who'd come up with the worst excuse ever for knowing his name when they encountered each other while she was disguised as a geisha, still existed. The losses and betrayals she'd endured had not broken her. Was this what caused so many to care about her? Was this why Harada and Sakamoto and undoubtedly some of the other men she'd known had fallen for her?

She rubbed her arm."You answered my question. It's only fair that I answer yours." She sighed, forcing herself not to break eye contact with him as she spoke."I know that Matsumoto-sensei and Osen-chan wouldn't have hesitated to let me stay with them; they both tried multiple times to encourage me to do just that. I trust them both, but I couldn't bring myself to accept either of their offers. I...I need change. I fully intend to stay in touch with them, but living with them...it reminds me too much of the past."

His eyebrow rose."Didn't you just say you wanted to remember despite the pain?"

"And I meant that," she said, nodding."But I don't want to remember it every second of my existence. I need change to help...balance it out, I guess." She shrugged, sighing again and thumbing her forehead."I'm not making sense, am I?"

He relaxed."No, I get it. Looking at the same thing all the time, it's a bit too much. But don't I remind you of the past too?"

She lowered her gaze."We've known each other for a few years now, but not _really_. I...I never knew anything about you other than that you were allied with Kazama and friends with Sakamoto, the latter of which certainly surprised me." She met his gaze."You're a mystery, Shiranui-san, and I think that's what I need right now."

Coming from someone else that might've sounded flirtatious. Chizuru was different. She needed some change, something new in her life, not just to aid in coping with her grief; she truly wanted to get to know him, and he wasn't sure how to feel about his lack of opposition to the idea.

Shiranui nodded, and Chizuru nodded back.

They settled into a comfortable silence, lost in their thoughts about the future.

* * *

 

He didn't know what to call her.

"Guest" implied that her stay was temporary. To call her anything else implied her stay was permanent. Neither of them knew what to expect of her residency in his village, so they simply spent their time as the days came and passed. Before they knew it, one month had passed.

She wrote once or twice to Sen and Matsumoto to inform them of her well-being. Sen sent him a message asking him to keep a close eye on Chizuru as well as threatening to make him regret being born if any harm came to the young woman while she was under his care.

Chizuru had settled in well by now. She had grown so accustomed to preparing food, cleaning, and other basic tasks for herself as well as others that she refused to let the servants do anything for her. Not that they complained; less work for them, and Shiranui had no intention of telling her how to live her life. Besides, she probably did a better job than the servants.

She continued cutting her hair and wearing western dresses. Nothing too flashy, but still enough to show off and enhance her natural beauty. Though she'd gotten used to dressing as a man and knew it was more comfortable and convenient for traveling, she had missed being a girl.

Sighing, Shiranui ran a hand down his face. By now, most Demons were aware of Chizuru's survival and whereabouts. Sen could only keep it a secret for so long.

The Nagumo Clan would not be a problem, at least. After Kaoru's death, they had become disorganized, with quite a few of them attempting to use Kodo for their own ends. Kodo unleashed his Furies on them, making sure to leave no survivors. Considering what they had put Kaoru through for not being female, it was for the better.

What did concern him was Kazama. Had Sakamoto lived, he and Chizuru would have ran off to fulfill their dreams together, far away from Kazama, and she would have been safe. Kazama's obsession with making her his wife had not faded. Amagiri managed to restrain him while Shiranui was occupied with his own affairs, including aiding the couple. Now, with the war over, and Demons returning into hiding, nothing was stopping or distracting Kazama from going after what he wanted.

He didn't discuss this with Chizuru. No doubt Sen and Kimigiku already did, and even if they hadn't, she wasn't stupid. She knew Kazama well enough at this point.

He found Chizuru watching the sunset in the same spot as her first day here. Everyday she did this when the sun rose and set. And he had taken to joining her.

They didn't talk much. They didn't _need_ to talk. These comfortable silences were enough for both of them.

Chizuru smiled at him as he took a seat next to her. He gave her a nod. From the corner of his eye he admired her blue western gown. Most of his clan, himself included, had long since begun dressing in western attire, so her clothing fit in perfectly. In addition to the gown, yesterday she started wearing hairpins, not the western kind, which was a surprise considering her shorter hair length. She possessed two hairpins, and wore a different one each day. Personally, he liked it better when her hair was down. Regardless, this new look suited her.

He quickly returned his full attention to the sunset when she turned to him, having sensed someone watching her. She frowned, but shrugged it off, albeit reluctantly.

Other than that one detail, the day ended like the previous ones had.

* * *

 

"Teach me how to use this."

Immediately after uttering that sentence in a quiet, polite, and determined tone, she held out the pistol. Sakamoto's pistol. Shiranui's eyes widened then swiftly narrowed before he settled his facial features into a serious expression. Chizuru's countenance held every emotion her voice had as she gazed back at him, making it clear she wouldn't take no for an answer.

He took the gun from her and took out his own pistol. As he examined the two firearms, a smirk crossed his lips. Takasugi had given him and Sakamoto their respective guns. Sakamoto used his so often that Shiranui (and no doubt other people) wondered if he completely forgot how to use a sword. Not that this was a bad thing. Guns were superior to swords.

The seriousness returned to his face as he refocused on the present.

Chizuru stood up straight and held her head high. Shiranui looked her up and down in contemplation of her request.

She wasn't a fighter in the physical sense. Mentally, she was tougher than most people, including herself, gave her credit for. Verbally, she wasn't afraid to talk back, likely the result of having to deal with Sakamoto for so long. She could use her blade in a simple sparring match, and maybe if adrenaline or other possible factors sufficiently affected her, she could be useful in a sword fight.

Yet the age of sword and spears was over. New weapons were replacing them. Her desire to adapt wasn't unreasonable. Still, he wondered if there was more to it. The gun she wished to learn to shoot belonged to Sakamoto, after all.

He walked to a table where he placed Sakamoto's pistol."You think you can handle killing someone?" He asked, running his fingers over his own gun.

Chizuru took one step back, and when he glanced over his shoulder, he saw her eyes were the size of saucers and her hand was over her mouth.

She shook her head."I-I don't want to kill anyone! I just want to learn to defend myself-"

Shiranui turned around."Yeah, I get that." He holstered his weapon, leaned against the table, and crossed his arms."And like it or not, self-defense isn't always as simple as wounding or knocking someone out. Even if you don't shoot to kill, or you _think_ that's what you're doing, not every shot is fatal right away. You can shoot someone and kill them instantly or they'll get worse and die over time with or without medical care. This isn't the same as using a sword, and even that has similar complications. Even if you don't kill someone, you could make them wish they were dead by ruining their life. Isn't that what happened to one of your Shinsengumi pals, and made him decide to become a Fury? Are you willing to subject someone to that fate?"

Chizuru had wrapped her arms around her trembling body as the reality of his words hit her. She fell to her knees."I-I..." She slumped her shoulders.

"I'm not saying no, Chizuru." He picked up Sakamoto's pistol and approached the young woman, holding it out to her."Using a weapon for any reason isn't easy. At first, the learning part seems hard. Takes some time to really learn to use this thing, but once you get the hang of it, it isn't so hard. At least not as hard as using it in a real situation. It gets easier over time, but someone like you, it changes you. This is normal for me, it was normal for Sakamoto, it was normal for the Shinsengumi, do you really want it to become normal for _you_?"

Her head drooped. Kneeling down, he grasped her wrist and placed the pistol into her hand, their hands grazing as he did so.

Chizuru examined the gun as if she'd never seen it before.

Someone else might have embraced her, someone else might have offered comforting words, someone else might have done both. Shiranui was not that someone.

So he left her there, ignoring the flicker of hope within him that she would rethink her request.

* * *

"Where is my wife?"

Kazama's voice was cold as ice. Shiranui kept his hand over his gun, ready to draw it if need be.

Two days had passed since Chizuru asked him to teach her how to use Sakamoto's pistol, two days since they last saw or spoke to each other. She had stopped watching the sunrises and sunsets, spending most of her time in her room. She was heeding his advice to truly think about what she wanted in regards to that gun. He wouldn't intrude on her privacy, knowing that she needed it now more than ever.

He wasn't surprised that his concerns regarding Kazama were proven true. He had been expecting this, though certainly not looking forward to it.

Amagiri stood not far behind Kazama, looking as exasperated as his normally stoical countenance allowed him to. One eye watched Kazama while the other eye locked with Shiranui and pleaded that he give up the girl lest Kazama cause unnecessary damage.

Kazama narrowed his eyes."Give her to me."

Shiranui smirked, his response clear as any verbal one.

"This does not need to end in violence, Shiranui," Amagiri said.

"Sorry, no can do." He shrugged."Or won't do, I should say."

Amagiri spoke up before Kazama could respond."Please. It is against the Demon's Code for us to fight one another-"

"Mind telling that to him?" Shiranui gestured to the blonde."He's the one who waltzed in here, looking pretty eager to draw his sword. I'm just defending my clan from a potential threat."

"I have no interest in your clan," Kazama seethed through gritted teeth."I merely came for my wife."

"I am not your wife." All eyes widened in recognition of the voice.

Shiranui was torn between being annoyed and impressed with Chizuru for revealing herself to Kazama. Yes, he already knew she was there, but to actually step out to confront him, to talk back to him...that was as brave as it was foolish.

She came to a stop in front of Shiranui as he turned to her. He did not lower his guard in case their uninvited visitors tried something, watching them from the corner of his eye.

Her hands were clasped behind her back and she was biting her lips and struggling to stand up straight.

He opened his mouth, shutting it when she straightened her posture and brought her hands out from behind her back. She was holding out Sakamoto's pistol to him.

Her smile was genuine."Will this make your inevitable victory a bit quicker?"

Shiranui stared at her, then at the gun, then back at her. Her smile did not falter, and she further extended the hand holding the firearm. He reached for it, stopping to meet her gaze, and at her nod, he nodded back and accepted the gun. He turned to his "guests", who had been so fascinated and surprised (and irate in Kazama's case) by the interaction that they did not think to take advantage of the situation. Granted, they probably knew Shiranui wouldn't let himself become completely distracted from them.

Shiranui smirked as he moved to shield Chizuru from Kazama's sight."Like I said, just defending my village from a potential threat." Kazama opened his mouth, but Shiranui was long done listening to his rubbish."And in case that isn't enough for you to understand, I swear on my honor as a Demon, on my honor as leader of the Shiranui Clan, to protect Yukimura Chizuru from anyone whose poses a threat to her. Ever since she set foot in my village, no, ever since I offered to let her stay here months ago, she has been part of this clan. So if you want to take her, go ahead and try, but it won't be easy, and if anyone's breaking the Demon's Code here, it's you. You came to my village and tried to kidnap someone under my protection. You're not dealing with the Shinsegumi anymore, Kazama, and you know what? Even if you had kidnapped her when you had the chance instead of playing around with them for your amusement, you wouldn't have been able to keep her. Sen would destroy you and your clan to keep this girl safe. Amagiri has probably considered killing her if it meant sparing her from the hell you would have put her through, I won't hesitate to blow your brains out, Kodo and Kaoru could have stolen her from right under your nose, and heck, even the humans and fakes could have found a way to save her, especially Harada and Sakamoto."

"You...you..." Kazama growled through gritted teeth. His nostrils flared, his eyes were wide and wild, and a vein was visible on his forehead. He stepped forward, his grip on his sword tightening. Shiranui and Chizuru took two steps back, the former's grip on his own weapons tightening. He had meant what he said, he would fight Kazama if it could not be avoided, but it would not be easy. Amagiri would either stand to the side or intervene. He wasn't the only warrior in his clan and though he knew they were strong and brave, not to mention harder opponents to defeat than the humans and Furies, Kazama was dangerous, espeically when it came to getting what he wanted.

"That is enough." The calm, silky smooth, familiar voice caused all four of them to jump. Amagiri turned around to be greeted with a kunai pointed at his throat. Kimigiku's face was expressionless, a sharp contrast to the cold smile Sen directed at Kazama whilst pointing her blade at his chest.

"My lady and I would also prefer that this not end in violence," Kimigiki said to Amagiri, though she glanced at Kazama as well. She moved closer to her male counterpart."Ergo, it would be best if you did not force our hand as you have forced Shiranui's."

"Indeed." Sen's smile grew."I too consider Chizuru part of my clan and will protect her as I would the people of Yase."

"Osen-chan..." Chizuru whispered. The princess's smile gained warmth as she glanced at her friend before reverting to its previous state once her attention was back on Kazama.

"Kazama." Amagiri divided his gaze between the female Demon pointing her kunai at him and his fellow male as he spoke, his voice mostly calm except for the slightest hint of discomfort."Is this truly worth it?"

Shiranui snorted."Funny how you were singing that tune to me a minute ago."

Chizuru moved closer to him, nearly touching his back now. Her hands came to rest on his shoulder blades, and he noticed a slight tremble in them. Were he not wielding two pistols, he may have considered reaching to touch her.

Sen's stance eased a bit. Her blade did not move."Kazama." Her voice regained its regality."Allow me to make one thing clear: I will _not_ allow you to take Chizuru. However, I understand your determination to fulfill your duty as clan leader in producing an heir. Such is the duty I face along with Shiranui and Amagiri. That is why I have a proposition for you that could benefit us both. Whether or not you accept is up to you, but I repeat: I will _not_ allow you to take Chizuru. Ergo, you can accept my preposition or I can employ other methods to stop you. Either way, you are _not_ taking her. I will say that as many times as I must to ensure you understand. Now, will you listen to my offer?"

Kazama's eyebrows rose and his eyes narrowed. Sen didn't need to clarify anything for him. Amagiri and Shiranui looked to Kimigiku, who thinned her lips and inclined her head. Chizuru gasped and put her hand over her mouth. Shiranui put out his arm to prevent her from intervening. Sen knew what she was doing.

Sen locked eyes with Kazama."Do we have a deal?"

A silence that lasted for ten seconds yet felt like hours passed before Kazama sheathed his sword."We can discuss the details later," he said.

Sen put away her weapon, and Kimigiku copied the action.

Kazama walked past Sen and into the forest. Amagiri bowed to the other three Demons. Only Kimigiku reciprocated the bow. Sen dipped her chin. Shiranui glared at the other man. Chizuru stiffened.

"Osen-chan..." Chizuru's voice was scarely above a whisper.

Sighing, Shiranui put away his guns."Let's talk about this more inside." He gestured for the three female Demons to follow him.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Hakuouki or anything related to it.**

* * *

 

"I know what it looks like when someone's pushing the whole world away and how much you can lose while you're doing it."  
— Barbara Davis (When Never Comes)

* * *

"Osen-chan, why?"

Chizuru barely heard her own voice as it broke the silence that had lasted a minute yet felt like an eternity. Shiranui had sent them to Chizuru's room and ordered the servants to prepare tea for them so they could talk. Chizuru would have made the refreshments herself if not for the urgency of the situation.

Smiling, Sen reached for her hand and Chizuru extended it for her to take. She watched as Sen thumbed her knuckles. Silence resettled over them, lasting and feeling equally as long as its predecessor. Eventually, Sen sighed and entwined their fingers.

"Please don't blame yourself, Chizuru-chan," Sen said."This was _my_ choice and had nothing to do with you." At Chizuru's skeptical look, she added,"Well, not _entirely_. I have been considering doing this for a long time now. My concerns for your safety only quickened my decision. It is as much as a benefit for myself as it is for you."

Chizuru frowned. She had been told more than once that Demons didn't lie, so either Sen was breaking the Demon Code or she was delusional. How on earth would this deal with Kazama benefit Sen?

"Osen-chan..."

Sen scoffed."Make no mistake, I am not fond of Kazama, to put it mildly. However, for all his flaws such as a great sense of entitlement and hypocrisy, the latter of which he would not admit to if his life depended on it, he is resigned/devoted to his duties. I share that with him. Pure-blooded Demons like us are rare and though I have one human ancestor, I am of higher rank than you and more...valuable as a child-bearer. Since female Demons are not as easy to find as our male counterparts, my selection is larger than Kazama's, but he is the best choice for myself. My desire to keep him away from you helped me confirm my choice."

Chizuru bit her lip. Though she was no expert on politics, she saw no flaw in her friend's argument. Still...

"I don't like the idea of you being with him," she said.

"I am not marrying him, Chizuru-chan," Sen stated, tapping her fingers on the table."He and I both require heirs and as I said, we are one another's best choices. Once we have produced an heir for myself and one for his clan, we will go our separate ways and return to our duties as clan leaders. We shall then be free to do what we wish with our lives." She sipped her tea."In short, we are using one another."

Chizuru had no rebuttal to that. She stared at her teacup, needing to look at something that wouldn't remind her of well, _everything_.

She had adjusted to living in this village. Everyone treated her well and it provided the distraction she sought during the day. Nighttime was a different story.

She hadn't slept at all that first night, spending the whole night crying and cutting her hair. She'd been the only one of her comrades other than Kondou not to wear western clothing and get a haircut. They wouldn't be able to see her, but she liked to think they, especially Ryoma, would have liked it. Her heart ached at the thought of him.

Except for Sen and Matsumoto, all her loved ones were gone. She couldn't have saved most of them, but Ryoma, Sanan, and Heisuke...she could have prevented their deaths.

Kodo and Kaoru were hopeless, though the latter at least had her sympathy. Her sole regret about her false father was that she had abandoned her friends to deal with him alone. There was no way they survived, not in their state. Moments later, Ryoma joined them in death. Even if they didn't blame her, she could have done something to save them. Or tried to, anyway.

If she were stronger, if she could wield a sword, if she were smarter, if even one little thing about her was different, maybe, just maybe, she wouldn't have lost everyone. She could have stopped Kodo and Kaoru without relying on help from others, she could have avoided becoming a curse to those she held dear.

In the back of her mind, she knew that she accepted Shiranui's offer because she didn't really know him. She didn't wish him or his clan ill, which was exactly why she limited interactions to what was necessary. She was comfortable with them, and vice versa, and that was enough. No need to let them get closer to her and suffer as a result. It didn't matter that Kodo was gone; fate would find a way to ruin them as well if she wasn't careful.

And it was because of her curse that she had to do this...

"Osen-chan." She spoke firmly. Sen's head snapped up. They placed their teacups on the table. Chizuru locked gazes with the princess, who nodded to indicate she was listening. Not that she expected disrespect from Sen, but this situation was more serious than any other in the past. There was no room for doubt. She had already written Matsumoto to inform him of what she was about to tell Sen. Saying it was harder than writing it, however...

Chizuru did not waver in facial expression or voice."This is goodbye." She clenched her fists in her lap and fought back tears. She needed to do this, not for herself, but for Sen. This was for her own good. No more close bonds, no more attachments, and thus, no more losses.

Sen stiffened in her seat, blinking and drawing her brows together. After a minute, she smiled.

"Oh, yes, that's true." She nodded."I have my duties to attend to as Princess of Yase. My village is a distance from here. Even though we shall meet again, most of our communications will most likely be through letters-"

"No." Chizuru sat up straight. Her voice was clearer than ever."This is the last time we will meet or communicate." She stood up, posture straight could be."Goodbye, Osen-chan." She turned to leave.

Sen burst out of her chair and hurried after Chizuru. She grabbed her arm, forcing her to turn around. The struggle not to break down increased for Chizuru as Sen refused to let go.

"Chizuru-chan," Sen said shakily."What are you talking about?"

Chizuru swallowed thickly."Precisely what I said," she replied."I am cutting ties with you. Nothing will convince me to change my mind."

"Why?" Sen demanded, tightening her grip on the other girl's arm.

Chizuru clenched her fist so tightly that her nails dug into her palm."Please do not question my decision," she said through gritted teeth.

"Why?!" Sen repeated, her voice growing louder and more desperate. When Chizuru did not respond, she kept asking, and soon Chizuru could no longer control herself.

"I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE TOO!" Chizuru screamed at the top of her lungs. She choked on a sob and furiously wiped at her tears.

The door was thrown open. Shiranui and Kimigiku stood with concerned expressions that grew when they saw that both young women were crying.

"What's going here?" Shiranui asked.

"My lady? Chizuru-san?" Kimigiku called to them.

Neither girl reacted to the other two Demons. They stared at each other, tears rolling down their cheeks. Chizuru slipped her hand from Sen's grasp, evading her attempt to grab it.

"Goodbye, Osen-chan," she whispered, then turned to go. Sen did not stop her, just stood there weeping and pitifully reaching for her. Kimigiku rushed to her, trying to console and question her.

As Chizuru passed Shiranui in the doorway, he grabbed her shoulder."What happened?" He had no intentions of letting her go until she answered him.

Chizuru tried to shrug him off and when that failed, she stated,"I did what I had to do." He looked at her in confusion, yet made no effort to stop her again.

She ran down the hall, covering her ears to muffle the sound of Sen's sobs and repeated calling of her name. She almost tripped a few times, but made it to her room, slamming the door shut and locking it. Leaning against the door, she slid into sitting position on the floor and hugged her knees to her chest as tears blurred her vision.

'I'm sorry, Osen-chan,' she thought.'But this is for your own good. You don't deserve to suffer because of your connection to me.'

* * *

 

Sen couldn't stop weeping.

As soon as Chizuru left, the princess fell to her knees and broke down. Kimigiku had wrapped her arms around her and was stroking her hair and whispering soothing words into her ear. None of it helped. Sen kept calling Chizuru's name until her vocal cords lost their strength, and even then she whispered hoarsely.

Shiranui leaned against the door, thoughtfully looking down the hallway and occasionally glancing at his guests.

_I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE TOO!_

He wouldn't be surprised if the whole village heard that scream. If he went outside, he half-expected to see that all his people had gathered outside to ask what the commotion was about. Because Kazama's visit wasn't eventful enough for one day...

_I did what I had to do._

His eyes narrowed as that statement echoed in his head. Right before answering his question, she had said goodbye to Sen. And she'd made Sen cry, something Shiranui never saw anyone do. He'd seen the princess display emotion plenty of times, but breaking down in tears? This was a first. Knowing Sen, she'd want to ensure it was the last.

What should he do? He wanted to follow Chizuru, but leaving Sen like this didn't feel right. Was there a correct course of action to take here? Sighing, he rubbed his temples.

Suddenly, the sobbing stopped. He turned to see that Kimigiku was assisting Sen in standing. The princess wiped her eyes and swallowed, managing to appear somewhat dignified despite her red, puffy eyes. Shiranui approached them, taking a teacup from the table and handing it to Sen. She gratefully accepted it, taking a long sip and exhaling deeply to maintain her composure. Shiranui waited for her to nod to indicate she was fine before he started questioning her.

"What just happened?" He asked.

Sen closed her eyes."You heard what she said to me." Opening her eyes, she tightened her grip on the cup. Kimigiku placed a hand on her shoulder, which she acknowledged with a weak smile that faded as quickly as it appeared.

"Chizuru-chan cut ties with me." The statement was curt and matter-of-fact, the polar opposite of how its speaker looked and felt. She put the cup on the table a little too harshly, making Shiranui and Kimigiku wince."As for why, I believe you both heard what she said...or yelled, rather."

Again, Shiranui wondered if his entire clan heard that scream.

"That does not explain her reasons for saying that-" Kimigiku began, only to be interrupted by Shiranui.

"I know why she said that," he stated, causing both women to look at him.

Sen closed her eyes, seeming to share his thoughts on the matter. Kimigiku glanced back and forth at Sen and Shiranui. After opening her eyes, Sen gestured for Kimigiku to give them some privacy. Kimigiku hesitated for a moment before inclining her head and complying with the princess's wishes.

Crossing his arms, Shiranui sighed."She blames herself for what happened to her friends and Sakamoto. The way she sees it, if it weren't for her connection to them, they wouldn't've suffered and died as a result."

Sen tilted her gaze downward."Something you can relate to."

Shiranui lifted his eyes to give her a glare that she ignored."I am well aware of your feelings regarding the deaths of Takasugi, Harada, and Sakamoto," she said. Huffing, he looked away, hating that she was right.

Sen sighed."She won't listen to me. It may be difficult for her to listen to _anyone_ , but you have the best chance. Is that what you are trying to explain to me?" He didn't respond, which was sufficient confirmation for her. She gave another sigh."I have my duties as a leader to focus on, as do you, but you see her everyday and do not have as large an amount of problems to take care of as I do. Therefore, I suppose I have no other choice but to trust you."

His eyebrows rose."Gee, way to make it sound like I'm Kazama," he drawled sarcastically.

She gave him a stern look."Not anywhere near as bad, but still worthy of occasional suspicion. My threat, no, my _promise_ still stands." She whipped out her blade and pointed it at his neck."Gun or no gun, you know what I can and will do to you if I even _suspect_ you are doing something wrong to Chizuru-chan." She didn't ask if she'd made herself clear, nor did he indicate as much. Either action would have been unnecessary.

Shiranui looked Sen dead in the eye." _My_ promise still stands too. I swore on my honor as a Demon and leader of my clan that I'd protect Yukimura Chizuru." He lowered his gaze for a second, then returned it to Sen."Before Harada died, I told him I'd make sure that girl didn't do anything too stupid or reckless. I never made that promise to Sakamoto, but in his dying moments, I think he understood that I'd do so for his sake as well. You already had this talk with me, albeit not directly, not long ago, so don't think I've forgotten about this." He straightened his posture."I'm no miracle worker, I'm no expert at helping broken people, but I'll _never_ broke my promise. I'll protect her and help her as best as I can. You can count on that."

Sen slowly put away her weapon. Afterwards, she nodded. There was no need to verbally reply with gratitude or acceptance. She was putting her trust in Shiranui, for real this time, and he would do all he could not to disappoint her or any of the dead men he'd also made that vow to.

* * *

 

"We need to talk."

Chizuru was startled from her thoughts by the voice. She twisted around in her seat, forgetting about the sunrise when she saw Shiranui standing there. Their sun watching sessions hadn't previously involved conversation, so this would have been a surprise if not for what had happened yesterday.

She turned away from him, shifting uncomfortably when he moved closer to her. He stood with his arms crossed, making it clear there was no getting out of this discussion. Didn't mean she wouldn't try.

Of course Sen told him. Even if she hadn't, that scream was telling enough.

"There is nothing to discuss," she said quietly."I did what I had to do." The words were no less painful than the first time she uttered them. Her stance on the matter had not changed, however.

"Why?" Shiranui asked calmly. When she did not answer, he sighed."I think I know why, but I also think there's more to it than that."

"There is not," she said a little quickly, her voice cracking the slightest bit. She turned away from him, futilely hoping he wouldn't notice.

"You could at least try to be convincing when you lie, kid." He came to stand next to her."Or in this case, not overdo it with the effort and desperation."

Chizuru didn't want to prove him right, but nothing she did or didn't do would work to her advantage. She kept quiet.

"You're pretty pathetic, you know that?" Shiranui uttered dryly. Chizuru was surprised her neck didn't snap from how quickly she looked to him. Anger, confusion, and shock filled her as she gawked at him. She supposed she shouldn't be surprised that he'd say something like that.

His expression was blank as he tilted his head."I can guess what's going on in your mind right now." He started pacing."You blame yourself for what happened to Sakamoto and your Shinsengumi pals." A statement, not a question."You think of yourself as a curse, and that the only way to protect what few loved ones you've got left is to stay away from them. You also plan to keep your distance from everyone here out of fear that they'll suffer the same fate." He stopped pacing and slowly spun around on his heel to face her. He crossed his arms."Did I get the gist of it?"

She was already gawking at him, but her jaw dropped further. Every detail was correct, as if he'd read her mind.

"But there's more to it than that." Again, a statement instead of a question. He restarted his pacing."Just hours after you got here, you told me why you decided to accept my offer. You wanted a way to be reminded less of your past while not forgetting it entirely, trying to find a healthy balance. You said I was a mystery, that you thought that was what you needed right now." Once again, he stopped and slowly spun on his heel to face her."Did I get the gist of that too?"

Her jaw could not drop any further. Shiranui allowed himself a small, brief smirk before becoming serious."See, all of this confuses me. You say you want one thing, then insist you want something else. So which is it? Both? That's certainly hard to comprehend, unless, of course, the simple answer is that you're lying to yourself."

"What are you-" She started. He didn't let her finish.

"You're afraid," he stated, walking closer to her. She resisted the urge to move away."You _want_ to let people in, you _want_ to move on, you _want_ to be happy, but you're afraid that if you do, you'll just end up losing more people and then you'll blame yourself for it." He took a step closer; this time she did back away. He knelt in front of her so they were at eye level. She leaned back slightly, both from discomfort and from being taken aback by the sad glint in his eyes."You've chosen to let the fear guide you, because you don't think that you deserve to be happy, that it would be selfish of you to put others at risk. Did I-"

"Stop asking questions you already know the answer to," she snapped. He lightly poked her forehead.

"I get it," he said as if she hadn't just spoken."I really do. Honestly, us being Demons and losing people close to us are probably the only things we have in common. That pain, grief, and guilt you're feeling is no stranger to me. I'm a clan leader, so I have duties to accomplish and while I can just keep it professional and not form attachments to my people, it's actually better and easier for me to form bonds with them. Obviously, they're not going to love me and agree with me all the time and you don't _need_ to like someone to trust and respect them, but it's the preferable option. Don't get me wrong; with each loss, I'm tempted to break those bonds and push everyone away, but I don't. You wanna know why?" He didn't wait for her to respond."Because that would be both selfish _and_ selfless. Yeah, not wanting for someone to suffer is selfless, though in your case, you've got _nothing_ to feel guilty about, so wipe that curse bullshit from your brain." She opened her mouth to argue, and he shushed her."Quiet. Let me finish." She wanted to point out the irony of him wanting to finish speaking when he kept interrupting her, and his brief smirk suggested he was aware of this."Now, as I was saying, you're not to blame for anything. Your loved ones _chose_ to stay beside you and help you. Am I saying they're to blame for their own fates? No. But they _made a choice_. They knew how dangerous it was and they didn't hesitate to make that choice anyway. What happened to them is a lot of people's faults, and you are not one of those people. You're as much a victim in this as anyone else. You didn't know Kodo wasn't your father, you didn't know Kaoru existed because Kodo hid the truth from you. And while it was horrible what happened to your brother, he chose to go to the Nagumo Clan to protect you. I'm sure Sakamoto told you the same thing. Yeah, he blamed you for it, but I was there when he died, I was the one who pulled the trigger and ended his life. In his dying moments, he didn't blame you anymore."

"H-He wasn't-"

"Oh, I'm sure he wasn't entirely in the right mental state as he was dying, but only partially. The other part of him was genuinely not mad at you. He didn't hate you, he hated the Nagumo Clan for tormenting him and he hated Kodo for abandoning him and he took it out on you, but he didn't die hating or blaming you. And neither did your Shinsengumi buddies or Sakamoto. They _chose_ to help you and fight and their deaths are _not_ your fault. Kodo and all those pompous, cowardly leaders are to blame, no one else, least of all you. The people you care about suffered and so have you. You're still suffering, and adding to it is pointless and stupid." He waved a finger in her face."And another thing." He sighed."You have no right to take away other people's choices. Sen chose to be your friend and help you. I'm sure a somewhat similar idea can be applied to Matsumoto. Pushing away hurts you as much as it does them. _That's_ where the selfish part plays in."

Chizuru clenched her fists. She wanted to yell at him, hit him, ignore him, because everything he said made sense and burned into her heart and brain. She _knew_ that they had chosen to fight and stay with her, she _knew_ how seflish it was to take away that choice from them. She hated herself and she wanted to hate Shiranui for reading her like a book and tearing apart her self-centered thoughts.

She covered her face with her hands as tears pricked her eyelids. She shook her head whilst whispering,"Stop. Please stop." She choked on a sob and swallowed it down along with several others that were trying to escape her throat. Her body trembled as she struggled to maintain her composure."No more..."

Shiranui stood up and stepped backwards to give her some space. He sighed."Thank goodness Sen isn't here. Otherwise, she'd rip my head off."

Chizuru couldn't have looked at him faster. She made no attempt to hide her disbelief and annoyance. He frowned and said,"Hey, you and I both know she could actually rip my head off with her bare hands, especially if she's pissed off. Kazama's lucky to still be alive after his many close encounters with her wrath."

Chizuru laughed in spite of herself, and immediately slapped a hand over her mouth and glared at Shiranui.

Shiranui smirked at her."That wasn't an exaggeration, but I figured it would make you laugh." He rolled his eyes at her glare."Don't tell me you'd prefer to be crying your eyes out right now. And I enjoy keeping my head attached to my neck, so don't think I'm not looking out for myself in this situation too."

She snorted."You make it sound like I wouldn't expect that from you."

"Geez, easy on the sass," he said with a grin."You know, I don't remember you ever being this sassy in the past, if at all."

"Hmph." She crossed her arms."Ryoma had that effect on me. After awhile, I got used to his annoying, cocky demeanor and learned to respond. And he had moments where he genuinely amused me. I suppose that's where you two differ."

His eyes widened."Okay, that's it." He tried to grab her, but she moved away with a squeal.

She stood up straight and dusted off her dress before turning back to him. She recrossed her arms and pressed her lips into a thin line."I know what you are doing, Shiranui-san." She huffed."Not that you are trying to hide it." She shut her eyes tightly."You make it sound so easy..."

Shiranui scoffed."I know it isn't. Is life ever easy?" He sighed deeply."Listen, kid, as much as I disagree with what you're doing, I understand how you feel. You may not believe it, but you're strong. You meant what you said about wanting to move on and not forgetting the past nor letting it haunt you. Not many people can do that. What you're doing...it's the coward's way out, the _weak_ way out, and you are _not_ a coward or a weakling."

"Because I'm a Demon?" She whispered bitterly.

"No, because in spite of everything you've been through, you've always maintained the will to smile and look forward to a better future, to fight for that future in your own underestimated way. You never gave into despair before. No reason to start now." Shiranui gave one last sigh, then turned and walked away, leaving her alone to ponder what he'd told her.

Chizuru's shoulders slumped and a tired exhale left her lips afore she turned to watch the rest of the sunrise, Shiranui's words echoing in her ears.

* * *

 

"Shiranui-san, I need to speak with you."

Shiranui paused as the cup of sake was about to touch his lips. The servants who'd been distributing dinner followed his gaze to the owner of the voice. Chizuru stood in the doorway, hands clasped in front of her. Her facial expression was polite but stoical. She glanced at the servants and inclined her head.

"Alone," she said softly. Shiranui gestured for them to comply with her wishes. Chizuru stepped aside to let them pass, returning the bows they directed to her before they exited the room. After closing the door, she let out a deep breath and turned to Shiranui.

She bit her lip and rubbed her arm as she tried to figure out what to say. He assumed this had seemed easier when she planned it in her head. He patiently sipped his drink while waiting for her to speak.

She pinched the bridge of her nose and groaned quietly, then approached him. She sat down beside him and picked up the sake bottle to pour him another cup, both to be nice and to assauge her anxiousness. He didn't protest, and fought the urge to smile at the memory of their encounter while she was disguised as a geisha. She met his gaze, her eyes narrowing as she realized what he was thinking about, then she rolled her eyes and lifted her chin, now sufficiently confident to start this conversation.

After their argument this morning, he had gone to attend to his duties and hadn't seen her until now, as she had not watched the sunset today. He left her be, knowing that she needed time to gather her thoughts. This was sooner than he expected, but he wasn't complaining. Whenever she felt ready was up to her. All he could do was offer advice and await her decision.

"I've been thinking about what you told me earlier," she said."And I stand by my decision to cut off Osen-chan and Matsumoto-sensei." He lifted his head to give her a blank look, sensing that there was more she wished to say. Her lip biting supported that idea.

"However," she added."This is not a permanent decision. I will not communicate with them and I will take some time, however long I need, to make a permanent decision on this topic. So neither you nor they should get your hopes up or despair for me."

"Fair enough," he said simply, taking another sip. She blinked, taken aback by how easily he'd accepted it. He snorted."What? You expected another speech?" No response was given, and he snorted once more."Nothing I can say that I haven't already said. No point in repeating myself. You're not deaf or stupid. Figure things out like you initially said you planned to do. Your life is the one at stake here, so take all the time you need." He snickered."There. I gave you a small speech, since you seemed to expect and want one so much."

She blinked again, then slowly nodded her head in acknowledgment and gratitude. He nodded back as he allowed her to pour more sake for him.

They settled into silence, content to save their worrisome thoughts about the future for tomorrow.

The next morning, he found her watching the sunrise and quietly joined her.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Hakuouki or anything related to it.**

* * *

 

"There's things that happen in a person's life that are so scorched in the memory and burned into the heart that there's no forgetting them."  
— John Boyne

* * *

_Chizuru woke up alone.  
_

_Having gone to bed with Ryoma to rest before their departure for Sendai, she was unable to fall back asleep. She knew he was close by and that the same applied to her friends here, but thoughts of what they would soon face kept her up._

_Her brother was dead and her father...she couldn't even call him that anymore. She couldn't hate him, but the revelation that everything about him had been a lie stung as painfully as from their initial reunion. That man, that fake persona was the father she missed, the father she loved and mourned. This man who she would be confronting was a stranger, a monster, and so many other things that angered and saddened her._

_Sighing, she gave up on slumber and decided to get a bit of fresh air. Maybe the others were awake. She could use some company, be it from Ryoma or one of the Shinsengumi men. These were the people she trusted, her true family. Kodo and Kaoru did not come close to them._

_There were plenty of soldiers, but no one she recognized. She frowned and examined her surroundings. It wouldn't be farfetched to assume they had gone to bed, even if they often required lectures on the matter. What about Ryoma, though?_

_A muffled cry made her stop in her tracks. Before she could wonder if she'd really heard that, the sound of leaves and bushes being disturbed touched her eardrums. She hurried to the source of the noise, kneeling behind a bush to see what was going on. Her eyes widened at the somewhat familiar sight that greeted her._

_Ryoma was struggling to pry Sanan's fingers off his collar as the bespectacled man held him above the ground. Surrounding them were Heisuke, Hijikata, Saito, Souma, Nomura, and Shimada. The men were all glaring at Ryoma._

_Chizuru was too shocked to react._

_Sanan lifted Ryoma higher. No one's expression changed, save for the increase in struggling from Ryoma._

_"Y-You've all made yourselves clear," Ryoma wheezed, trying his best to smile confidently._

_"Talk is cheap," Saito said, crossing his arms."Which you do a lot of."_

_Hijikata snorted."Too much, in my opinion."_

_A droplet of sweat slid down Ryoma's cheek, and he swallowed. He wasn't frightened, but...embarrassed? The only other time she'd seen him look embarrassed (and that was in an utterly different way), was when he'd walked in on her while she was topless and he was quick to return to his confident, teasing attitude after apologizing. He truly seemed ashamed by their remarks. Seeing this, Sanan released him, and he managed to land on his feet._

_Ryoma coughed and adjusted his collar."Well, I can't prove myself if you kill me. To you and her." He closed his eyes."I promised her...well, I made a few promises to her, actually, and you better believe I'll do anything to keep them. Doubt me if you want; I don't blame you, but I'm serious. And I know you'll make me regret it if I do hurt her. Hell, I'd willingly come to you to be punished."_

_Silence fell over the men. Chizuru brought a hand to her heart, murmuring her beloved's name as his words echoed in her ears. The Shinsengumi men were exchanging looks, clearly conflicted about trusting him despite, or perhaps because of, his proclamation. As for the man in question, he was gazing at the sky, his expression more sober and thoughtful than she'd ever previously seen._

_The Shinsengumi seemed satisfied, or as close as possible to it. They all nodded curtly with soft yet serious countenances. Ryoma's eyes returned to them, and he nodded back. The group started to disperse except for Ryoma, who stayed to continue thoughtfully watching the sky. Sanan and Heisuke were the only ones not to go off alone and though Chizuru wanted to approach Ryoma, she also wanted to speak to her friends. But should she really come out and reveal she'd been eavesdropping? It wouldn't be the first time that happened, but still..._

_A hand touched her shoulder. She jumped and gasped, freezing when Sanan put a finger to his lips. Her face reddened in embarrassment at having been caught. Heisuke offered her a hand which she accepted. Sanan gestured for her to follow himself and Heisuke, and she complied after shooting a concerned glance to Ryoma, who hadn't noticed them._

_"There is something we would like to give you," Sanan explained once they were out of earshot."Well, mostly it is me returning some things to you, but there is one new item." He glanced at Heisuke, the left corner of his mouth quirking. Heisuke pretended not to notice her questioning look in his direction._

_They arrived at a tent. Chizuru waited outside with Heisuke while Sanan went inside. A minute later, he emerged with a small box that he offered to Chizuru. She sat down, feeling a mix of tentativeness and eagerness as she opened the box. She brought a hand to her mouth to muffle a gasp when she saw what was inside. Could it really be...?_

_She looked at Sanan; he smiled kindly and nodded. Returning her focus to the box, she pulled out a beautiful hairpin and a simple book. The journal and accessory that Sanan had given her._

_"It didn't feel right leaving them behind," Heisuke hesitantly spoke up."So I took them with us. You know, just in case."_

_"That isn't all," Sanan said, gesturing to the box. Chizuru looked back down and tilted her head in response to what else she found. Another hairpain, not as beautiful as the other one, but still very pretty. Sanan had mentioned something new that they wanted to give her. The first hairpin and the journal had been gifts from Sanan and he had said that they both wanted to give her this box, so that meant..._

_She turned to Heisuke, whose cheeks were pink. Sanan chuckled._

_"It took a lot of persausion on my part to convince Toudou-kun not to dispose of his gift for you," he said, adjusting his glasses._

_"Persuasion?!" Heisuke exclaimed, scowling and pointing at Sanan."You made it crystal clear you weren't giving me a choice and that it was either I hand it over or you'd take it yourself, even if I threw it away!"_

_"I fail to see the difference between that and actual persuasion, Toudou-kun. Especially considering how stubborn you were being about it." Sanan spoke sweetly._

_"That...makes sense coming from you." Heisuke still looked displeased, to say the least, and Sanan's shameless amusement was not helping._

_Chizuru made zero effort to stifle her laughter. Both Furies looked at her, Sanan's smile widening while Heisuke forgot his displeasure and grinned. She sat there giggling for a minute afore abruptly stopping as dread filled her. Her expression became very somber. They looked at her in concern and moved closer to her as she dropped the items and slowly wrapped her arms around herself. She hung her head._

_"Chiz-" Heisuke started._

_"Don't die," she said so quietly that they almost didn't hear her."Please don't die."_

_They froze at her words. She did not look up. Her teeth dug into her bottom lip and she barely stopped herself from trembling. They exchanged glances, and she opened her mouth to repeat her plea, but choked on a sob. She quickly covered her mouth with her hand as another sob escaped her. Tears pricked her eyelids; she tried to wipe her eyes, but the tears came too swiftly._

_Both men were beside her in an instant. Heisuke's arms encircled her whilst Sanan put a hand on her shoulder and gave a comforting squeeze. Her mouth opened and shut as she unsuccessfully attempted to reiterate her plea. Heisuke hugged her tighter and Sanan squeezed her shoulder once more._

_They never verbally responded._

Chizuru's eyes snapped open as a gasp burst from her lips. She sat up, frantically looking from side to side until she remembered where the objects she was searching for were and looked to her nightstand. Sure enough, the box was there, wide open with the book and hairpins inside.

Shakily she reached for the box, but stopped at the last second. She touched her own face to confirm that she was crying. No sobs came to her throat, and soon she was still save for her breathing. She put a hand over her rapidly beating heart.

How could she be so upset yet so calm? Normally she would be a sobbing, shaking mess, and she would have preferred that. But there was no emotional explosion, no matter how much she willed it to occur. On the inside, she wanted to burst, yet she might as well be an inanimate object with her lack of energy and emotion.

She hugged her knees to her chest and rested her chin on them as tears slowly rolled down her cheeks. That memory replayed in her head, and she could neither embrace it nor push it away.

She knew it was pointless to make that plea, to have the smallest hope that they would live, but the reality was too painful to bear. She had witnessed them both at death's door, watched Sanan struggle to maintain his sanity after drinking the serum and held Heisuke in her arms after Amagiri wounded him, and she wanted to believe that was all the proof she needed to assure herself of their survival, even if they disagreed, even as reality laughed at her and struck her again and again. She had thought the same about Ryoma.

With a heavy sigh, she rubbed her eyes to wipe the tears and get rid of the remaining sleepiness. She didn't want to spend another second cooped up in this room.

Chizuru threw off the covers and marched to her wardrobe, retrieving a simple grey dress and matching cloak. In her eagerness to leave the room, she ran her fingers through her hair and glanced at the mirror for half a second instead of brushing her hair and practically fled the room.

She kept her head low and held her cloak tightly around herself as she walked through the quiet hallway, not acknowledging the guards and politely dismissing the servants she passed. Not many of them were on shift at this time, so it wasn't hard. The only person who could actually cause issues for her was Shiranui, and he had promised to give her the space and time she needed, so that wasn't something to worry about either.

Their argument replayed within her mind as much as her memories, and induced the same amount of stress in her. He had torn apart every thoughts of hers, read her like a book, and she both hated and appreciated him for it. She _wanted_ to be proven wrong. She _wanted_ this fear and guilt, this perception of her acting as an unwilling curse to anyone who dared risk themselves for her sake, to be exposed for the delusion that it was. She didn't want to be alone, to drown in her grief for the rest of her life. But the fear and guilt had dug itself deep inside of her soul and heart, crushing her with its reminders of the risks and dangers that came with being close to her. Shiranui had recognized that and gave her the basic neccesities for recovery, encouraged her to fight, made it clear he understood and that he was always nearby if she required help. And again she felt an equal mixture of frustration and gratitude toward him.

These three days since she promised to take the proper time to think and come to a proper decision had been nothing short of agonizing, but there was a constant sense of comfort radiating from Shiranui. Maybe she imagined some of it to help her cope, but the consolation and support were appreciated all the same.

Suddenly, she heard voices. She couldn't make out what they were saying, but the closer she got the more she was certain she knew them.

The door to the dining room was ajar, and she slowed down as she approached it. The conversation inside continued, the speakers unaware of her presence. She peered inside. Upon seeing one of the room's occupants, someone she considered an unwelcome guest, she put a hand to her mouth to muffle a gasp and stepped back.

Amagiri and Shiranui went on talking, still unaware of her presence. Considering her lack of stealth skills, she was relieved by this.

"I understand your skepticism-" Amagiri said, only to stop when Shiranui snorted.

Shiranui sat back in his chair and took a sip of sake. "You and I both know there was no reason for you to come here to deliver any message. A letter or someone else being sent here would have sufficed."

"I," Amagiri hesitated, eyes briefly lowering then shooting back up."I preferred to come here myself. I thought it would be better if I personally delivered the news to her."

Shiranui glanced to the doorway, too quick for even Amagiri to notice. During that very brief moment he met Chizuru's gaze and she realized he was asking what she wanted to do. When his gaze returned to Amagiri, Chizuru took a deep breath and entered the room. Amagiri spun around at the sound of the door fully opening. She averted her eyes when he bowed to her, instead looking to Shiranui for assurance. Shiranui shook his head, and she relaxed.

Amagiri nodded."Apologies for my sudden visit, especially in light of recent events, but as I believe you have heard, there is some news I would like to give you."

Chizuru inclined her head to indicate she was listening.

"I have some information regarding your friends within the Shinsengumi."

Her eyes widened, but quickly narrowed. Thoughts of her curse were rushing to the center of her brain, making it difficult to hide her emotions. Amagiri either did not notice or ignored it.

"Souma Kazue has been imprisoned but is alive. Shimada Kai is also alive. There are rumors that Nagakura Shinpachi and Saito Hajime are alive as well, and I do not doubt that they are true. I thought you deserved you to know and I have enough respect for the Shinsengumi to prefer to deliver the news myself instead of settling for a letter or sending a stranger to tell you."

Chizuru's hand moved of its own accord to rest over her heart. She shut her eyes tightly, fighting back the tears of relief and dread. Her curse hadn't killed everyone she loved.

"Thank you." She was pleasantly surprised by how calm she sounded. She opened her eyes, lifted her chin, and cleared her throat."I'm sure they would have appreciated your respect for them. I certainly do." Despite all of the negative experiences Amagiri was associated with, there was no doubt in her words.

Amagiri bowed his head.

She crossed her arms."Was there anything else you wanted?" Amagiri shook his head."Then thank you again for telling me. I wish you well." Uneasy as she might be about Amagiri, ill will did not come naturally to her.

Tense, polite farewells were exchanged between the men. Chizuru gave Amagiri a curt nod. Grateful as she was for his respect, she didn't want any more to do with him than necessary. He was too great a link to Kazama. Amagiri seemed to understand her feelings, because he made his departure swift.

Once Amagiri left, an awkward silence settled over them.

"Couldn't sleep either, huh?" Shiranui eventually asked with his eyes closed and a grimace. Her silence was answer enough.

He studied her, hiding his smile with his cup."You should wear your hair down more often," he said, taking another sip."It looks better that way."

Chizuru's cheeks turned a light shade of pink. She touched her hair, making a mental note to cut it soon."If I don't, will you take off my hairpin and run off like a mischievous little boy?" She asked dryly.

Shiranui chuckled."Maybe."

Chizuru giggled, enjoying the brief amusement. After sobering up, she moved to the window and perched on the windowsill.

"Bad dreams?" He guessed. She lowered her eyes as she poured tea into a cup. He grimaced."Join the club, kid," he muttered humorlessly.

She hugged herself."What do you dream about?" She inquired.

Grunting, Shiranui leaned back in his chair."The good days when they were still alive. Bittersweet memories, really."

She lowered her gaze."Aren't all memories bittersweet?" She wondered aloud, unsure if she was addressing him or her own grieving mind."The bitterness is just more obvious."

Shiranui pursed his lips and looked to the side."Hmm, no arguments here." He finished his cup in one gulp and stood."Wait here. Something I need to show you."

Her eyebrows rose as she watched him go. Shrugging, she returned to admiring the night sky through the window.

Every night since her arrival here was plagued by a dream with a memory of her friends and/or the man she loved. But this night had the memory closest to their deaths. She dreaded having to relieve leaving Heisuke and Sanan behind and watching Ryoma turn to ash.

She brought her legs up onto the windowsill and hugged her knees to her chest, resting her chin on them.

_Didn't you just say you wanted to remember despite the pain?_

_And I meant that. But I don't want to remember it every second of my existence. I need change to help...balance it out, I guess._

She couldn't stop thinking about them. Not a second passed that they weren't in her thoughts. It drove her mad, but she couldn't bear to let go. She deserved to suffer for her uselessness, naivety, and obliviousness...

_The people you care about suffered and so have you. You're still suffering, and adding to it is pointless and stupid._

Exhaling deeply and loudly, she rubbed her temples. A headache ravaged her skull. She took a deep breath, in and out, slowly, hugging again her knees as she rocked herself back and forth.

Balance. She desperately needed that balance. And she also desperately needed to destroy this paranoia. She needed to not think about this for awhile. She wasn't in the right state to handle this, assuming there was a right state, but she would certainly not be able to endure this as she was now.

A cup of water suddenly appeared in front of her face. She ceased her rocking and realized Shiranui had returned. Her turmoil had consumed her attention, so she failed to notice him returning. He thrust the cup at her and she shakily took it, taking slow sips while he rubbed circles into her back. When she was done drinking, she closed her eyes to compose herself. After a moment, she unclosed them and nodded. Shiranui took the cup from her and placed it on the table. She noticed his other hand was hiding something behind his back, no doubt what he wanted to show her. He met her gaze, and revealed the object to her.

Harada's spear.

Shiranui had fought alongside Harada when he died and spoken of him with respect, but it never occurred to her that he could have Harada's weapon in his possession.

"He'd want you to have it," Shiranui said, pushing it towards her."I...buried him the best way I could. Thought about leaving the spear there as a marking, but I figured he'd want to remain useful somehow."

"No," she said, shaking her head."I-I can't even use..." She swallowed."You should keep it...like Ryoma's gun."

He shook his head."Think of it the same way you do of your sword. And...Sakamoto...I was close to him. Harada, however much I respected him...I didn't know him...not like you did."

Her trembling hand grasped the spear, though she did not take it from him."H-How did he die?" She barely heard her own question.

His eyes fell shut."Kodo shot him." A sad grin crossed his lips."We ambushed him and his Furies. Harada started yelling at him, called him a monster, a terrible father, asked if he had any idea how much pain he caused you. We took out all his furies, but Kodo escaped after shooting Harada." His hands twitched."He said he was planning on reuniting with Shinpachi and finding you to make sure Sakamoto was treating you well." He opened his eyes."I-I think he loved you...as much as Sakamoto did."

Chizuru choked on a sob. She could almost feel the warmth of Harada's hand patting her head, see his friendly smile, hear his assurances that she was a normal girl despite her healing powers and what her fellow Demons said, all their talks about dreams of settling down with someone they loved and starting a family. He couldn't do that with her, so he wanted to make sure Ryoma did not fail to give her that.

_It's a man's job to protect a woman._

Her teeth dug into her bottom lip, the taste of blood filling her mouth. His last words and thoughts were mostly devoted to insulting Kodo for what he did to her and doing everything he could to be certain she was happy.

_You're a normal girl. You're one of us. Your healing powers don't change anything._

Harada was among the few that were kind to her from the start. He secretly took her on a walk one night while she was still under house arrest, was always there to pat her head and smile and offer comforting words when she doubted herself. He was her closest friend out of all the Shinsengumi men, and perhaps cared the most for her. Only Heisuke came close to the level of intimacy she shared with Harada. In a different world, where she hadn't met and given her heart to Ryoma, she could have returned Harada's affections. And she would have watched him suffer a worse death than a gunshot.

A cry left her and she buried her face in her knees, sobbing hysterically. Shiranui's hand was on her back and he was gripping her shoulder but she barely registered his touch. She was rocking again and her sobbing grew so loud that her throat ached, resembling a wild animal in her anguish.

Harada, Heisuke, Sanan, and Ryoma. They were dead because of _her_. Because of a stupid, helpless, gullible girl...

Then, words she'd heard what felt like an eternity ago, spoken by the man she loved, echoed in her ears.

_Whenever you feel hopeless or stuck in your head, I want you to remember what I'm about to tell you..._

Her rocking slowed, as did her sobbing.

_There's no sense in feeling guilty. Not now, not ever._

She ceased moving and sobbing, though her face was still a tearful, snotty mess. She recalled her own soft, tentative question in response to his comforting assurances.

_Do I deserve to be happy?_

She swallowed, forcing down any remaining sobs and lifted her head from her knees, but kept it down to prevent Shiranui from seeing her face. She marched over to the table and grabbed a napkin to wipe her face, then grabbed a pitcher of water and accepted the cup from Shiranui. She downed it in one gulp and put her palms on the table, realizing she was panting like she'd run up a mountain. She focused on her breathing, willing herself to relax and ignore the whispers of guilt hissing in her mind. She mentally repeated the words Ryoma had said to her, that night after Kaoru revealed the truth to her and made her feel guilty for not knowing about him.

Eventually, her breathing became normal and her mind cleared. At least for the time being. This would happen again soon and she dreaded it with all her heart, but she felt a little less scared now. It wasn't much, barely anything, but it mattered.

Her legs gave out; she leaned her weight on her palms that rested on the table and eased herself into seiza position on the floor. Shiranui knelt beside her, hesitant to touch her. Chizuru reached for the spear, her hands no longer shaking. She carefully held it to her chest.

"My hair," she murmured, touching the spot where a hairpin would be."I've seen you staring at my hairpins. Curious why I wear traditional Japanese hairpins when the rest of my attire is western?"

"It's not my business," he said, though his eyebrows rose at the possibility of receiving an explanation. Chizuru ignored his words.

"They were gifts from Sanan-san and Heisuke-kun. Sanan-san gave me a book to use as a journal and later a hairpin. Heisuke had one too, but changed his mind at the last minute. Sanan-san found out and made him give it to me. The night before they left with Ryoma and I to fight my father - no, _Kodo_ \- Sanan-san returned his gifts to me and I finally got Heisuke's gift. Those things are...all I have left of them."

Shiranui's eyes glinted with understanding. Unconsciously his hands covered his guns, one of which belonged to Ryoma.

"Takasugi gave you and Ryoma those guns, right?" She asked.

He nodded."I think Sakamoto valued his even more than I did mine. Obsessively cleaned it all the time, probably even forgot how to use his swords because that gun, along with his attitude about westernization, meant so much to him."

Chizuru nodded."Yes, he was just like that." She gave a genuine smile, devoid of the sadness and pain that had consumed her since losing him. She would hold onto this respite for as long as she could.

With a grace and steadiness she hadn't felt in months, Chizuru stood, using Harada's spear to keep her balance just in case the weakness attacked her. Shiranui also stood, staying close to help her if she needed it. She tightened her grip on the spear and bowed.

"Thank you for giving this to me," she said, and he gave a curt nod. As she turned around to leave, she thought she noticed the ghost of a smile appear on his countenance. He silently watched her exit the room.

As she was opening the door to her quarters, a servant passed. She politely asked for tea to be brought to her, and the servant bowed and hurried to fulfill the order. Normally, she would do these things for herself, exactly what she'd done since arriving here, but right now she was eager to write in her journal, so just this once she would let the servants do something for her. She put the spear next to her nightstand, making a mental note to create a special holding place for it like for her sword. She took off her cloak, hanging it on the chair in front of her desk. She lit a candle, retrieved the journal from the box as well as several pens from the drawer. Then she settled down to wait for the servant to come with the tea.

Once everything was ready, she took a deep breath and began to write, starting with tonight's dreams and then letting her mind form other ideas. It felt good, and she smiled brightly the entire time.

_You never gave into despair before. No reason to start now._

She wasn't better, far from it. She very likely could break down again by tomorrow, but this was something and she liked to think her loved ones would be proud of her for it.

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Hakuouki or anything related to it.**

* * *

 

"Because the world is so full of death and horror, I try again and again to console my heart and pick the flowers that grow in the midst of hell." -Hermann Hesse

* * *

Kneeling, Chizuru gathered a handful of soil and studied the texture; it was ideal. The area had more than enough space and sunlight for growth. Putting her hands on her hips, she nodded in satisfaction. These conditions were perfect for planting a cherry blossom tree.

She ran her fingers through her hair. She wore the same grey gown and cloak from last night, and her hair was free of hairpins. Partially because she did not want to put effort into her appearance today and because she fell asleep at her desk while writing in her journal. Despite the awkward position, she got better sleep than all the previous occasions and suffered no more dreams of her dead loved ones.

She wrote the entire flashback from last night in perfect detail. That was the first time she'd written since Sanan returned the book to her. Wearing the accessories was one thing; picking up a pen and letting out her grief on the paper felt surreal.

Kodo kept her sheltered her whole life, forbidding her close bonds or worldly information outside of himself and his clinic. The Shinsengumi, Ryoma, and Sen were the first people to break that shell, to find the person beyond the doll Kodo created for breeding and bleeding out for his experiments. And now most of them were dead.

A deep sigh left her. The respite brought on by her recollection of Ryoma's comforting words gave her peace for the remainder of the night. As she ate breakfast, tears started rolling down her cheeks. No sobs, no shaking, just silent weeping. She quickly finished eating, bringing up her knees to hug them to her chest and wept until the tears were gone. When she'd cried herself out, she cleaned up and went for a walk.

An hour ago she got the idea to plant a cherry blossom tree. Shiranui would be glad that she found a new pastime to honor her comrades.

Rising, she wiped her hands on her cloak and mentally prepared a checklist of things she would need to start planting tomorrow. Maybe she could make a garden here; she smiled at the thought.

That was when she heard two pairs of rapid footfalls and laughter, one of which sounded childish. She turned around to see a familar figure and a child she didn't recognize running toward her.

The servant that brought her tea last night was chasing the little girl. As they got closer, Chizuru realized they were a mother and her daughter. The child had the same olive skin and dark mahogany hair as her mother, although the child's tresses were cut up to her shoulders while the mother styled her much longer hair in a chignon. The sole thing differentiating them was their eye color: the girl had light grey eyes and her mother's eyes were green.

When the mother saw her, she ordered the girl to stop. The girl did not hear her over the sound of her own giggling, so she bumped right into Chizuru, who managed to maintain her balance and catch the girl's arm to save her from falling.

"Umeko!" The mother hurried to them."Are you alright?" The daughter nodded, then looked up at Chizuru with wide eyes.

The mother bowed to Chizuru."Apologies, Lady Yukimura."

Chizuru stifled a sigh. She'd tried very hard to stop the servants, guards, and other villagers from using that title with her, to no avail. They wouldn't dream of informally addressing the sole survivor of the Yukimura Clan, a high ranking Demon in her own right, and the woman under the protection of their clan's leader. Shiranui and Sen both admitted to having similar experiences in the beginnings of their leadership and there was no point in trying to discourage the people. She supposed she could understand their reverence, given her own tendency to be polite and respectful. Not that it lessened her annoyance.

"It's alright," she told the servant.

Umeko continued looking up at her with wide eyes. Smiling, Chizuru patted her head. The girl appeared to be nine or ten years old.

Umeko grinned."You're really pretty!"

Chizuru blushed and knelt to the child's eye level, her hand still patting her head."Thank you. So are you. Umeko is a very nice name."

Umeko'a grin widened."So is Chizuru."

"Umeko!" The mother exclaimed."That's no way to talk to-"

Chizuru lifted a hand to interrupt the mother."No, it's perfectly fine. I wish more people would use my name."

"So I can call you Chizuru-san then?" Umeko asked.

"Yes, please do." She preferred no honorifics at all (although Souma and Nomura calling her Yukimura-Senpai or just Senpai always amused her), but this would suffice."Can I call you Umeko-chan?" Umeko nodded vigorously."Then we have a deal." She offered a handshake, but Umeko jumped at her and wrapped her arms around her. Chizuru patted her on the back.

The mother's embarrassment faded, melting into a warm smile. Once Umeko and Chizuru had separated, she said,"My lady is very kind."

Umeko played with Chizuru's grey gown and cloak and walked around her in circles, giggling as she did so.

Standing, Chizuru asked,"Can I ask for your name too?"

The mother bowed her head."I am Naomi." She hesitantly accepted Chizuru's proffered handshake."Is there anything you need?" Like the other servants, Naomi knew better than to argue with Chizuru about this. Unless Chizuru directly asked for their sevices, they left her to her own devices. Perhaps her request for tea the previous night prompted Naomi to ask this time.

Chizuru shook her head."Not today, no." She wanted to finish complying her checklist of supplies before she requested anything.

Umeko tugged on her skirt for attention."What are you doing here, Chizuru-san?"

Chizuru smiled."I'm going to plant a cherry blossom here, maybe create a full garden."

Umeko's eyes lit up."Really?!" She squealed."Can I help?"

Chizuru flicked her head at Naomi."If your mother approves."

Naomi bit her lip and fidgeted with her hands. After a minute, she nodded. Cheering, Umeko began running around the two women in circles. Eventually, she grabbed each of their hands and began tugging them along with her. Chizuru and Naomi laughingly allowed the little girl to drag them.

It didn't take long for her to come to the conclusion that they weren't fast enough to move alongside her, so she let them go and jogged ahead of them, staying close enough to be seen but out of earshot. Spotting flowers, she decided to go pick some of them. Chizuru and Naomi sat on a bench to watch.

"She's always so happy, always smiling, and she adores flowers" Naomi said, smiling proudly."I couldn't have asked for a better..." She trailed off, clearing her throat."I'm sorry, Lady-"

"She looks just like you," Chizuru remarked, not wanting to hear formalities.

Naomi closed her eyes."Except for her eyes." She smiled sadly."They're _his_ eyes." Her voice was so quiet that Chizuru wondered if she was supposed to hear that last part.

The father must be dead, either before or shortly after his daughter's birth. Having no grown up with no knowledge of her mother since Kodo refused to tell her anything, even her name, and eventually learning that Kodo wasn't her real father, that her parents and her village were destroyed, Chizuru felt empathized.

Her hand came to rest over her heart of its own accord."My condolences," she whispered.

Naomi opened her eyes, her smile growing sadder."He's not dead. At least not when I last saw him." She sighed."Her father is a human."

Chizuru stiffened."That must have caused...problems."

Purebloods such as herself were rare, hence Kazama's obsession with her. Most Demons had their blood diluted with humans'; even high ranking leaders like Sen had a human ancestor. Shiranui's bonds with Takasugi, Ryoma, and Harada made him stick out and most of his clan seemed to share his attitudes. There were no doubt some elders that disagreed, but there was little if anything they could do about it. Still, tensions were bound to occur.

"It did," Naomi said, folding her hands on her lap. A twitch went through her hands. She managed to relax and gave a genuine smile."But Lord Shiranui has been very kind."

Although curious, Chizuru kept quiet. It seemed Naomi's struggles reflected her own, and that made her want to know more about Shiranui.

_You're a mystery, Shiranui-san, and I think that's what I need right now._

She looked away to hide her blush as she recalled what she'd said to him on her first day here. In hindsight, that was an intense thing to say, but Shiranui understood what she meant, had even reminded her of that statement when he lectured her about pushing people away. Maybe she should start trying to make good on those words.

"He's been cooped up in his office lately," she remarked. She knew her presence here would cause tensions, as Kazama's visit proved, but during the last few days Shiranui had spent a lot of time in his office, and she overheard the servants mentioning that he did not touch the breakfast they brought him that morning.

Naomi sighed."Yes, he's...stressed." She gave Chizuru a weak smile."But you shouldn't worry, Lady Yukimura. It's-"

"I know." Chizuru sighed, crossing her arms."I'm sure he would tell me the same thing. He made a choice to help me, and I'm grateful." She pursed her lips."I'll take his lunch to him today."

"Oh, you don't need-"

"I want to. Just like I want to do things for myself. And let's just say I have experience dealing with stubborn men that neglect their own health."

Naomi inclined her head."As you wish, Lady Yukimura. We must go now." She stood and called to Umeko, who immediately ran over. She'd picked a large bouquet of roses and tulips, half of which she gave to her mother and the other half she offered to Chizuru. Chizuru blinked afore smiling and taking the flowers.

Naomi bowed."Have a good day, Lady Yukimura." She laid a hand on Umeko's shoulder and guided her away.

"Bye, Chizuru-san!" Umeko waved. Chizuru waved back.

Chizuru admired the flowers. There was a vase in her room for decoration that she could put these in. Once she did that, she began preparing lunch for Shiranui.

* * *

Sighing, Shiranui leaned back in his chair. His desk was covered in letters from his fellow Demon leaders and his clan's elders. The only one who hadn't written was Amagiri, since he personally told Shiranui everything he thought when he visited last night.

Sen and Kazama confirmed that they would conceive an heir for each of their clans, starting with the latter to sooner ensure that he left Chizuru alone. The Kazama elders and a few of Sen's elders pushed for marriage but both parties refused; Sen would never marry and Kazama felt the need to remain available in case Chizuru changed her mind. Shiranui rolled his eyes at Kazama's rubbish, and imagined Sen scoffing in the man's face. Amagiri promised that he, Sen, and Kimigiku would keep an eye on Kazama and inform Shiranui the second he started acting suspiciously.

Speaking of elders, his own clan elders were dropping hints about their desire for him to use Chizuru. There had been too much going on to distract them from her for the first month of her stay; the day after Kazama's visit, they began pressuring him. There was a council meeting tomorrow where they would doubtless press the topic for most if not all of the session. They even sent a servant to deliver a letter to him immediately after finishing writing it; the ink still smelled fresh. As if the garbage they spoke was not sufficently frustrating, they had to write it down as well.

Chizuru's solitude kept her from having to deal with them (and he ordered them to stay away from her). If she were to break out of that, or at least turn it into a healthier version, she might grow curious. So far she hadn't mentioned it, implicitly trusting that he would handle it, but she had a right to know the full truth and he would not hide or sugarcoat it if she asked.

She seemed to be starting on the road to recovery. He'd started to panic before she suddenly snapped out of her breakdown and regained her composure. The memory of dead loved ones was a bittersweet thing indeed; that which drove her to hysteria assisted her in escaping it. She'd stayed up late, even asked a servant to do something for her. At least she slept, whereas he stayed up for the rest of the night, pondering the political situation.

It would be far worse if the Nagumo Clan hadn't been eradicated by Kodo's Furies after Kaoru's death. They had always been outcasts, refusing to take no for an answer. He wasn't afraid of them, but one would be foolish not to be cautious around them. So while he and Chizuru and everyone else were disgusted at Kodo for slaughtering innocents of the clan, the group in general would not be missed.

Kazama was frighteningly determined to get what he wanted, and might even cross the same line as the Nagumo Clan in working with Furies, but fortunately they did not live in that world. Here, the Kazama issue was taken care of. And if did lose his mind, his clan would not support him.

Shiranui shut his eyes and crossed his arms. Ten years he'd been leading his clan now, since his parents were mysteriously assassinated when he was nineteen. The culprits were unknown to this day. The first year of ruling was the hardest, having to establish his authority and competence while deciphering which counsel provided by the elders was reliable until he could properly stand on his own two feet and handle the grief. He didn't trust those old men; they wanted a puppet that bowed to tradition and could not live without constant guidance. By the end of his first year, glares and grumbles were the worst he got from the old geezers. Of course, the arrival of a pureblood female renewed their efforts; his oath to protect her and Kazama's visit worsened that.

Add all of that to him being the sole remaining member of the Shiranui ruling family and his obligation to provide heirs, despite his disinterest in marrying or settling down, and it was a recipe for disaster.

Sen shared his disinterest in being tied down by demands of marriage and settling down, and as a result they sometimes discussed the possibility of providing heirs for one another's clans. He had a past with Kimigiku so an arrangement of that sort with her also came up. In her most recent letter, Sen promised they would discuss the matter more thoroughly once Kazama's issue was solved for good. In the meantime, Shiranui would continue exploring his options and ignoring the bastards that beat him over the head in their efforts to convince him to utilize Chizuru.

Politics, especially Demon politics, were such fun.

He missed spending time with Takasugi and Sakamoto and engaging in deadly games of battle with Harada. So much more worthwhile, interesting, a wonderful distraction...

His stomach growled. His body patiently endured his refusal to touch his breakfast, but as lunch approached, it was losing its patience. Much as he wanted to keep thinking until he found a solution, it wasn't that easy. Neglecting his health would make things worse. He should check on Chizuru too.

Gathering the letters into a pile, he placed them at the center of the desk. He ran his hand over his face with another sigh. Maybe he should rest after eating; he would need the extra rest for the council meeting tomorrow.

As if on cue, there was a knock on the door."Shiranui-san." Chizuru's firm voice came from the other side of the door.

The smell of food reached his nose, and his stomach growled so loudly he wondered if she heard. There was a long awkward silence, leaving him uncertain if she actually did hear his stomach growling or if she was waiting for his response. A minute passed afore he opened his mouth, only for the door to open before he could utter a word. She likely thought he wasn't there and decided to check. When she saw him, she bowed her head and entered the room. Were he not distracted by his tiredness and hunger, he'd be pleased to see her hair down.

She frowned as she got closer."You look exhausted," she said quietly, placing the tray on his desk.

He cleared his throat."Don't worry about it. Nothing I can't handle." He rubbed his eyes.

She scoffed."Hijikata-san and Saito-san used to say that...sometimes right before passing out."

Still rubbing his eyes, he snorted."Comparing me to fragile humans?" His voice dropped to a murmur."Though I guess if you spend enough time with them, they rub off on you."

"It's worth it." The smallest hint of shakiness touched her voice, but she was otherwise firm.

Chuckling, he looked up at her with a grin."Yeah, it is."

Her face was forcibly expressionless. She blinked rapidly to force down tears and swallowed down sobs. She tightly hugged herself and shut her eyes as her breathing quickened. She was fighting the guilt for her imagined role in their deaths.

Shiranui stood so quickly that his chair almost fell. He reached for her right before her eyes snapped open and she became completely still. She inhaled and exhaled deeply, her arms falling to her sides.

"I'm okay," she rasped. She coughed and swallowed before repeating her words in a clearer voice.

His extended hand hovered between them, unsure about whether he should touch her. Finally, he patted her shoulder and sat back down. As he was putting the letters into a drawer on his desk, she spoke.

"It's about me, isn't it?" She pointed to the letters."I knew this would happen if I came here."

Snapping his head in her direction, he gave her a stern look."Not. Your. Fault."

She'd asked, though, and he promised he would tell her if she did ask. Really, it merely confirmed what she already knew. He fully understood the risks of offering her refuge and she fully understood the risks of accepting his offer.

She lifted her chin."I didn't say it was." Clearly she believed it was her fault, but he was glad she was trying to follow his advice. He acknowledged this by inclining his head. She quietly added,"You made a choice." He further inclined his head in approval.

Once the papers were out of sight, he massaged his forehead and yawned.

She pursed her lips."You didn't sleep." It was the first time she said this to him, yet the irritation and disapproval in her voice and visage indicated that she was used to lecturing people about this. He could imagine Sakamoto and the Shinsengumi being on the receiving end of those lectures, initally trying to resist and eventually realizing the matter was not up for debate and being reduced to hanging their heads like puppies and obeying her commands to rest and be careful. The way she eyed the papers he was putting away made him wonder if she planned to snatch them to ensure he didn't overwork himself. He found that he didn't mind the idea, both from amusement at the possibility of her seeing her do that and appreciation for her concern.

He laughed whilst yawning."Spare me the lecture, kid. I'm planning on resting after I eat." He glanced at the tray."Thanks, by the way."

She bowed."You're welcome." She turned to leave.

"Wait," he called, and she spun around."Have you eaten?"

"I'm on my way back to the kitchen now. I wanted to make sure you were eating first."

"Well, you can bring it here if you want. Make sure I don't fall asleep while I'm in the middle of eating." She giggled at that, and he grinned briefly afore becoming serious."There's also some things you need to know. I was planning to tell you later, but but the sooner the better."

She bit her lip, nodded, and hurried to the kitchen. She returned five minutes, using her foot to close the door.

They settled down to eat. He cleared his throat before starting the conversation.

"Has anyone tried to talk to you recently?" He asked."Specifically the elders?"

She shook her head."Besides you, I've only spoken with servants and guards."

"Haven't run into anybody else?"

"Just the common people during my walks."

"So you haven't met any of the elders at all?"

She shook her head again, visibly worried. He paused to take a sip of tea."Glad to hear the old geezers are technically obeying my orders then," he said dryly.

She clutched her teacup."They want me to breed for you." A statement, not a question. She drank from her cup.

Fear flashed in her eyes. She trusted him (she wouldn't have come if she didn't), but the fear was by now natural for her. Kazama declaring her his wife from the moment of their first meeting, Kodo planning to use her to breed with his Furies, both of them wanted to create the perfect Demon and saw her as a tool in achieving that goal.

He _couldn't, wouldn't_ fail Chizuru. Sakamoto and Harada and the rest of her Shinsengumi friends could rise from the dead and torture him if he did.

With a swiftness that suprised even himself, he leaned forward and grabbed her hand, giving it a squeeze. With a gasp, she instinctively tried to pull her hand away before realizing what he was doing. Meeting his gaze, she gave a tired yet grateful smile. He tenderly thumbed her knuckles. Chizuru placed her hand over his. She trembled so faintly that he wouldn't have noticed if she had not touched him. A gesture of trust through the fear, and he gave another squeeze. She relaxed, the trembling coming to an end.

Looking to the side, he scoffed."Council meeting is tomorrow. Can't wait to hear their subtle ecncouragements. They sent a servant to give me a letter - ink still smells fresh - to give me preparation hints for what they want to discuss tomorrow. Well, at least responding to them will be a fun, creative activity." He snorted."You'd be surprised how many polite ways there are to tell someone to shove it up their ass."

A wide smile brightened her face and her eyebrows rose to the highest point possible."I often overhead Hijikata-san and Sanan-san's expressing frustration with their political superiors. Sanan-san becoming a Fury made him even scarier and Hijikata very much earned the title Demon-Commander. So I think I can imagine." She removed her hands from his, putting her elbow on the desk and resting her cheek on her palm. Nostalgia graced her demeanor, the sweetness overtaking the bitterness of remembrance. He permitted himself an indulgence in reliving a pleasant memory of Takasugi.

Their smiles faded as reality and the present closed the curtains on the past. Chizuru lifted her chin, shifted to form a fist, and put her chin on her fist. She tilted her gaze downwards to their hands, where his thumb restarted gently rubbing her knuckles.

He didn't want the moment to end, a wish she seemed to share. The comfortable, companionable silence was a blessing they had not experienced in awhile. Of course, reality was again closing the curtains on what they wanted.

Chizuru looked to the window, admiring the trees and birds outside. Her smile resurfaced."I found a nice area outside. I think I can make a garden there, with a cherry blossom tree in the center."

Shiranui followed her gaze to out the window. Humming, he tapped his fingers on the armrest."They'd like that." He chuckled."Also, another reason for Kazama to throw a hissy fit. He has a fascination with cherry blossoms, loves using analogies containing them when he criticizes humans and fakes."

Her eyes flickered to him, then back to the window."He won't be allowed anywhere near it," she said coldly, scowling.

Shiranui grinned from to ear."That's why I said he'd have a new reason to throw a hissy fit."

Turning to face him, she chewed on her bottom lip."Kazama and Osen-chan..." Pain filled her voice as she uttered her friend's name. Shiranui bit his tongue to resist the wish to remind her that Sen made a choice and had already been considering it and that her concerns for Chizuru's safety just quickened her choice. She needed time and space; if he saw that she needed another intervention, he would act, but for now he would leave her be. Plus, even without the guilt about her role in Sen's situation, she was bound to worry for the princess's well-being. Heck, he knew Sen as well as Chizuru did and knew she was capable of handling Kazama, but still worried. No point in addressing this at the moment.

Thus, he decided to give her a simple update on."They're going to seal the deal soon." He winced at his own choice of words. Under less serious circumstances this would be an amusing thing to say. Luckily, Chizuru either did not seem to notice the bad phrasing or opted to ignore it. Not wanting to find out, he went on,"Kazama keeps the first kid so he can get his heir as soon as possible. Sen keeps the second kid. Both kids will be in contact with and visit their other parent. Amagiri will keep Sen up to date on how Kazama raises his heir and help as best as he can. Last thing we need is another entitled Kazama." He paused, chewing on his lower lip."Sen wants you to be there when the children are born, to be the one who..."

Chizuru shot up into a perfectly straight sitting position, eyes wide as saucers."She wants me to deliver them." Sen had plenty of midwives she trusted, but her bond with Chizuru was special and as a daughter's adoptive daughter Chizuru was just as qualified if not more so than the servants Sen had.

"And to be their honorary aunt," Shiranui added, giving a faint smirk."Though let's be honest, that last part isn't up for debate. Something to add for your consideration about your life choices." He was careful to be calm in his delivery, applying no pressure on her or trying to rush her.

She heaved a sigh."I'll consider it." She folded her hands on her lap and glued her gaze to her feet."The council meeting tomorrow..."

Shiranui sighed."Don't worry about it." He picked up his cup and drank. While he was drinking, she said,"I want to be there." He choked on his tea, almost spitting it out. After coughing thrice and carefully swallowing (during which she exclaimed his name and stood to check on him and he waved her off to assure her he was fine), he gaped at her as if she'd grown another head. On second thought, her becoming two-headed would be a lot less shocking than this. She moved herself and her chair backwards, looking unsettled and worried.

He rubbed his ears, wishing he'd misheard her."What?" He asked, hoping she would change her mind.

Chizuru swallowed and sat up straight again, holding her chin up."I want to be at the council meeting," she said. She displayed no sign of reluctance nor a willingness to back down.

They both leaned forward, so their stern gazes were locked on one another. Ten seconds of stubborn staring later, he spoke in a tone that brooked no argument."No."

She lifted her chin higher."I'm not asking."

Scowling, he grasped her chin."Listen, kid, your sass is entertaining when we discuss other topics, but in this case-"

She stood up with such abruptness that he fell backwards in his chair. She slammed her palms onto the desk and bent over and leaned forward to his eye level."This is about me too." She dug her nails into the desk."I...I know it's not...my fault they're like this, but I won't sit and hide while someone I care about risks themselves to protect me. I understand that there isn't much I can do, but it's better than nothing. So whether you like it or not, I want to be there and I will. The elders will want me there and I'd rather be there on my own terms than be tricked or coerced into it by them."

Shiranui opened his mouth to tell her that he wouldn't let that happen, closing it as he knew right away that she was correct. The elders were bound to figure out something to get their way.

Sighing, he brought a hand to massage the bridge of his nose."Fine," he muttered through clenched teeth."It's at noon tomorrow."

Chizuru beamed and relaxed."Thank you."

While still massaging the bridge of his nose, he rolled his eyes."Don't thank me when you made it clear you don't care if I approve or not." He refused to admit he was impressed by her standing her ground. Sakamoto and the Shinsengumi would be proud.

After gathering the trays, she bowed her head and turned to leave."Make sure you rest," she called over her shoulder. Shiranui hummed in response, pretending not to notice the stern glance she shot him.

Once she was gone, he exhaled very deeply and very loudly.

Well, the days to come certainly didn't promise to be boring at least. The dread of the future's interesting results, however, was unwelcome.


End file.
